On imperfection
It’s hard to love somebody through their imperfections. Or rather, it’s just hard to tolerate them and the flaws they have to offer— especially in times of their worst. But I’ve always believed in “love conquers all,” and with that said, your feelings for them should consequently prevail over anything.
They’ll make you mad, make you go absolutely insane but in the end, (hopefully) they’re still the one you’re crazy about. Amplified voices vigorously bouncing off the walls, doors slamming, in tears of anger and frustration, your mind is clogged and exposed to the ugliness in the situation and in the person you love. It’s normal to feel skeptical, it’s even normal to doubt how much longer and how much more you can endure in this relationship. The easiest way out is to up and go yet it’s the hardest thing to do because that will mean letting go of all the past efforts made.
Well, damn. It’s hard to love somebody through their imperfections. Or rather, it’s easy to forget about the good when your feelings are manipulated by the bad. Your mother may constantly nag, your best friend may break a promise, and your significant other may choose Sunday night football over movies night on the couch. You may love sushi but he may hate fish. He’s a morning person and you’re the type to never want to sleep at night. Your mother takes your anger out on you when she’s having a bad day and even your best friend may come off as apathetic about the friendship. It’s normal to feel skeptical, it’s even normal to doubt how much longer and how much you can endure in this relationship.
It’s not going to be easy, it’s going to take a lot of hard work. But nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort, right? At the end of the day, perfection ceases to exist until you understand that things are always going to be perfectly imperfect. You were the toddler of the nagging, grouchy mother who loved you unconditionally, you’re the best friend of the person who was there for you every time you needed them regardless of how apathetic they seem, and you’re in love with somebody who would take you out to sushi despite how much they dislike fish. The person who would hold your hair back when you’re hovering above the toilet seat recklessly drunk and throwing up. And at the end of the day, the skepticism vanishes. “We learn to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” And because of that, we’ll love them even when they’re at their worst.
“I want to finish running this road with you.” Remember when? I suppose I was blinded by the thought of what could have been ahead of us and neglected what lied before us. My mistake of running before learning how to walk caused us to stumble and trip over the tiniest things underfoot and regardless of how much I wanted for us to pick each other up and continue working together — you trudged on alone.
But I was persistent on keeping you with me. May it be time and hope that kept me alive, a tiny fire of passion inside me fueled my motivation. Rather than being blinded this time around, I chose to overlook the fact that the fire between us had already died down. I ask myself, when had we grown so far apart? I swore I thought my perseverance would someday lead me back to you and in time, everything would have eventually find its way.
And sometime in the distant past, I wanted to finish running this road with you. But rather than waiting for fate to unravel its pavement, I managed to find my own way. I took the road not taken, the one less traveled by. And that? “And that has made all the difference.” You see, I want to finish running this road— with or without you.
Upon my room renovation, I couldn’t help but notice all the imperfections merged into my four walls. Inches of dust collected amongst the surface and hole after hole with uneven cracks and edgy bumps neighboring.
Yet, the room hadn’t only serve the position of being my very own area to acquire peace and rest, it had been my escape throughout these years of consciousness whenever I came across troubles at Home. Little did I pay attention to the crude designs and the rugged blotches of paint - the imperfections made up the perfection I found within this tiny area I called ‘mine.’
But I plastered these holes today after so many years, sanded down the jagged edges and removed the chipping paint by repainting it to another color. Still, the blemishes weren’t completely concealed. And it sort of hit me that no matter how hard you try to cover up imperfections, its existence would always be there. You just have to accept it as a whole — flaws and all.
Ignorance is bliss? Some say it’s utter bullshit while some concur with the statement. As for me, I’m stuck in the middle — 50/50. I’ve come across things I wished I never found out nor witnessed on so many occasions. Things that can make or break your day, a message that can give you the pain of being kicked down a spiraling staircase or discovering something that sends your heart dropping. Some are even life changing. Friendships burned and even families torn, things that can inflict so much damage where its better off not knowing at all. But whether it’s the good, the bad or the ugly, it’s inevitable. The truth always comes out.
Are you protecting me from the lies or the truth? Why? Either way, it’s bound to hurt in the end. Ignorance is not bliss. Save the reluctance, hesitation, and excuses, please. I want your complete honesty, even if the cost are my feelings. Too often are my feelings and tolerance overestimated and my capability of adapting underestimated. I seek the truth and nothing less from it because I’m capable of handling it.
But what happens if the truth not only costs your feelings but also of your loved ones around you? When suddenly, the people you care about are also put on the line? Why let the truth out if you know it’s bound to hurt everybody involved? Ignorance is suddenly bliss, yeah?
Torn.
On nights where I don’t immediately drift off to sleep, I’m able to make out the hazy outline of each feather dangling next to me as my eyes adjust to the dark. With intentions of using it as a room decor, this dreamcatcher became a source of comfort. For a little over five months, I cannot recall having a single nightmare. I haven’t had those dreams that used to make me sit up in the middle of the night, soaking with perspiration. I haven’t had those dreams that once made my heart ache from the vivid anamnesis and sent tears running down my face. Sometimes I wonder if the legends are true; Bad dreams are caught within the intricate design of the web while the good ones filter through the holes and slide down the feathers into my subconscious. It’s beautiful— not just the object itself, but the power it captivates. A temporary escape from reality.
On friendship
One day, love and friendship met on the road of life. Love asked: What’s your use when I already exist? Friendship smiled and said, “I’m here to make people smile when you make them cry.”
Romance may keep the heart at ease but friends can provide the love and comfort no mate can offer. Reevaluating the definition of ‘friendship’ and the impact it holds for me gave me an opportunity to silently consult with my heart. Chances of meeting someone and establishing a profound friendship aren’t slim but at the same time, is not at all likely. Your road intertwining with people of more than an acquaintance is a blessing because too many times, we stumble in situations where these people walk on parallel roads from us. Moving at the same pace in the same direction but never together and never crossing paths. And from a distance, you’ll realize that’s where they’ll always be.
I’m lucky to have certain individuals to entitle as my good friends, and with temerity, even best friends. But my insecurity overwhelms me once in a while and I start to feel afraid. I doubt, I over-analyze, I compare and I get jealous. “Why do I feel like I care more than they do? What if they don’t feel the same about me? What position do I stand? Why don’t they ever put effort into this friendship?” Why this, what that. Sometimes I feel as though I have the best people in the world in my life and sometimes I feel as though these people have strayed from the road we’ve walked upon to the road parallel of it. I didn’t really understand.
But after breaking the war between my heart and mind, I was able to filter out the doubt I was in possession of. I remembered the times they pushed the effort when I was sluggish of pushing my own. I remembered who put me back together after I fell into a mess of bits and pieces. And I remembered who accepted me regardless of what and how many mistakes I have made. Don’t let the mirage of an ideal friendship ever taint your memory of what’s in front of you.
I realized that friendship— is not something you’ll understand. It’s just something you’ll know.
Anonymous said: Merry Christmas, churng fun :D
Aw why are you on anonymous? Merry Christmas, fun churng! LOL
